(Read this first sentence in the voice of that kid from "The Sixth Sense.") I see car commercials. (Okay, you can read in normal voice now) I sit here and watch TV and I see car commercials. The cars are being driven fast along a beach somewhere, or fast along some mountain road with no other vehicles in sight, or fast out in the woods. These commercials lie. The fact is, motorized vehicles are banned on most beaches in the US. The fact is, when those mountain roads are accessible, you're going to get stuck going behind someone else who's car shouldn't be attempting the hill climb. And, let's be honest now, most 'Trailblazers' and 'Mountaniers' and 'Pathfinders' never... ever... do what their names say they're built to do. Most of them never leave the paved, mean streets of Bellevue or Kirkland or (insert any suburb name here), except when they drive to the city to go shopping at "Nordy's," or Pacific Place Mall. After shopping, the woman uses her cell phone to call her best friend to tell her what a great deal she got on a set of sheets. Hitting a bump in the road, she drops her cell phone, and, when she goes to pick it up off the floor, jerks the wheel to the right causing her car to almost careen into the bike messenger she had no idea was there. Only the messenger's "mad skills" allow him the time to choose to crash into a parked car next to him instead of being crushed by the woman's moving vehicle. But anyway....
Considering that there is a 'privately owned vehicle' on the road for every American, man, woman and child, here is what I would like to see, short of a legislated moratorium on the manufacture, sale, and ownership of automobiles: Some sort of legislation that requires a certain degree of "truth in advertising." Such as, showing the cars and SUVs in the setting that their owners will most likely find themselves. Like waiting at traffic lights, or stuck in traffic on the highway, or stuck in traffic waiting on road workers, or yelling at the 2.5 kids while stuck on some mountain road behind a thousand other cars stuck behind a slow moving trailer or boat rig(how come the commercials show the big trucks hauling these huge loads around freely but in reality they can't haul a Coleman Camper up Mount Fucking Rainier?) or any goddamn thing but driving around on barely populated city streets and parking wherever they fucking want.
Also, a running ticker at the bottom of the screen showing the cubic tonnage of crap that the vehicles they are advertising will be pumping into the atmosphere as they sit, stuck, wherever the ad takes place. Finally, perhaps a voice-over explaining to potential buyers just how they're helping to create those beautiful red sunsets.
So, maybe its a good thing I don't hold political office. I did run for public office once in Alaska, but that's another story.
Considering that there is a 'privately owned vehicle' on the road for every American, man, woman and child, here is what I would like to see, short of a legislated moratorium on the manufacture, sale, and ownership of automobiles: Some sort of legislation that requires a certain degree of "truth in advertising." Such as, showing the cars and SUVs in the setting that their owners will most likely find themselves. Like waiting at traffic lights, or stuck in traffic on the highway, or stuck in traffic waiting on road workers, or yelling at the 2.5 kids while stuck on some mountain road behind a thousand other cars stuck behind a slow moving trailer or boat rig(how come the commercials show the big trucks hauling these huge loads around freely but in reality they can't haul a Coleman Camper up Mount Fucking Rainier?) or any goddamn thing but driving around on barely populated city streets and parking wherever they fucking want.
Also, a running ticker at the bottom of the screen showing the cubic tonnage of crap that the vehicles they are advertising will be pumping into the atmosphere as they sit, stuck, wherever the ad takes place. Finally, perhaps a voice-over explaining to potential buyers just how they're helping to create those beautiful red sunsets.
So, maybe its a good thing I don't hold political office. I did run for public office once in Alaska, but that's another story.
Comments