I would have to say that this has been the worst holiday season I’ve experienced
in a very long time. It’s not anybody’s fault, in fact
there’s no blame to be laid at all.
See, just before Thanksgiving, I had a horrible cold. I was miserable over the
holiday weekend. Soon after turkey day, the need for me to have my wisdom teeth
pulled became painfully evident. I haven’t been able to chew on the left side of
my mouth since November, and sometimes my mouth hurts a lot, and sometimes not
so much. But it’s okay, the long wait for me to be on Jessica’s insurance is
over, and I will soon have an appointment with an oral surgeon, so I
know that this is a pain that will soon come to an end.
Xmas was hard because Jess and I are so broke. We had to buy new tires
unexpectedly, and, well, never mind… suffice to say that at the end of December,
there was only $13.00 in the savings account. We didn’t have enough to get each
other anything. This is not a plea for money! We knew what we were in for when I
started back to school. Our current poverty is a short lived step to bigger
things. And Jessica has been a rock as far as everything has been concerned. It
has been her budgeting that has kept us solvent. And she has cooked soft foods
in new and exciting ways to get me through this thing with my teeth. It’s a good
thing I actually like tofu.
But the “suckiness” of all that pales in comparison to the pain I have in my
heart right now that I have to tell you about. A few days ago we took Sophie in to
the Veterinarian’s office. We’ve known for years that her breed is prone (as are
most of the larger, barrel chested dogs) to spine and hip problems. We just
thought we’d see it earlier and that it would progress much slower. That was not
fated to be the case because just within the last 6 weeks has she lost the use
of her rear left leg. She has a congenital disease in her spine that will
ultimately cause her to be paralyzed “below the waist” and to become
incontinent. The Vet has prescribed a regimen of glucosimine/chondroitin and
some doggie ibuprofen for her pain, but we were told that she may or may not
respond much or at all because of the extremeness and suddenness of the onset.
We were pretty much told that within roughly 2 to 8 months we’re going to have
to put our good girl to sleep.
I’m sure I’ve told you the story of how Jessica and I got together: When she and
Sophie moved in to the apartments I was managing all those years ago, Jessica told me I could go up
to her place while she was gone during the day and bring the dog down to my
place. So I did just that, and when Jessica would get home in the evening, she
had to come down to my place to get Sophie. Sophie and I had taken to each other
right away and I like to consider her my willing accomplice in Jess and I
getting together. I choose to believe that Sophie picked me. That was almost 8
years ago. For that long, Jess and I have been “Mommy” and “Daddy” to Sophie.
Knowing we aren’t going to have children we’ve poured our love into her, she’s
our baby, she's our family.
She’s gone from a happy, playful dog that looked forward to going to the
off-leash dog park where she could run, to a dog in pain. It’s a struggle for
her to go outside and she falls down often and looks up at me like she can't
understand what's happening, like she’s sorry
to be a trouble. My heart is broken 3 times a day taking her outside. I haven’t
cried this much since I don’t know when. I think I
would gnaw off my own arm if it would help her. She spends most of her time on a
pad I made for her on the floor because she can’t get up on the couch any more.
She looks up at us and I can see that her mind is all there and she’s got the
heart to go on, and I just turn in to a blubbering, inarticulate mess. Jess sees
me and starts crying too.
Anyway, I don't know why I unleashed all this on you, dear readers. I guess I just needed to get this stuff off my chest. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I promise to be back to ranting against republicans soon.
in a very long time. It’s not anybody’s fault, in fact
there’s no blame to be laid at all.
See, just before Thanksgiving, I had a horrible cold. I was miserable over the
holiday weekend. Soon after turkey day, the need for me to have my wisdom teeth
pulled became painfully evident. I haven’t been able to chew on the left side of
my mouth since November, and sometimes my mouth hurts a lot, and sometimes not
so much. But it’s okay, the long wait for me to be on Jessica’s insurance is
over, and I will soon have an appointment with an oral surgeon, so I
know that this is a pain that will soon come to an end.
Xmas was hard because Jess and I are so broke. We had to buy new tires
unexpectedly, and, well, never mind… suffice to say that at the end of December,
there was only $13.00 in the savings account. We didn’t have enough to get each
other anything. This is not a plea for money! We knew what we were in for when I
started back to school. Our current poverty is a short lived step to bigger
things. And Jessica has been a rock as far as everything has been concerned. It
has been her budgeting that has kept us solvent. And she has cooked soft foods
in new and exciting ways to get me through this thing with my teeth. It’s a good
thing I actually like tofu.
But the “suckiness” of all that pales in comparison to the pain I have in my
heart right now that I have to tell you about. A few days ago we took Sophie in to
the Veterinarian’s office. We’ve known for years that her breed is prone (as are
most of the larger, barrel chested dogs) to spine and hip problems. We just
thought we’d see it earlier and that it would progress much slower. That was not
fated to be the case because just within the last 6 weeks has she lost the use
of her rear left leg. She has a congenital disease in her spine that will
ultimately cause her to be paralyzed “below the waist” and to become
incontinent. The Vet has prescribed a regimen of glucosimine/chondroitin and
some doggie ibuprofen for her pain, but we were told that she may or may not
respond much or at all because of the extremeness and suddenness of the onset.
We were pretty much told that within roughly 2 to 8 months we’re going to have
to put our good girl to sleep.
I’m sure I’ve told you the story of how Jessica and I got together: When she and
Sophie moved in to the apartments I was managing all those years ago, Jessica told me I could go up
to her place while she was gone during the day and bring the dog down to my
place. So I did just that, and when Jessica would get home in the evening, she
had to come down to my place to get Sophie. Sophie and I had taken to each other
right away and I like to consider her my willing accomplice in Jess and I
getting together. I choose to believe that Sophie picked me. That was almost 8
years ago. For that long, Jess and I have been “Mommy” and “Daddy” to Sophie.
Knowing we aren’t going to have children we’ve poured our love into her, she’s
our baby, she's our family.
She’s gone from a happy, playful dog that looked forward to going to the
off-leash dog park where she could run, to a dog in pain. It’s a struggle for
her to go outside and she falls down often and looks up at me like she can't
understand what's happening, like she’s sorry
to be a trouble. My heart is broken 3 times a day taking her outside. I haven’t
cried this much since I don’t know when. I think I
would gnaw off my own arm if it would help her. She spends most of her time on a
pad I made for her on the floor because she can’t get up on the couch any more.
She looks up at us and I can see that her mind is all there and she’s got the
heart to go on, and I just turn in to a blubbering, inarticulate mess. Jess sees
me and starts crying too.
Anyway, I don't know why I unleashed all this on you, dear readers. I guess I just needed to get this stuff off my chest. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I promise to be back to ranting against republicans soon.
Comments
Read Let Go. Wil Wheaton had to put his cat down last year.